I have finally hit the half way mark. I look back and realize how long ago it seems since I started and think that I have that many more in front of me. I'm somewhat overwhelmed. In the mundane days of life, we usually cruise along not knowing what is coming and don't spend our days and nights wondering if we are up to the task of surviving what ever is facing us. I know that I frequently ask for God's help in facing life's trials and tribulations, particularly the unknown ones and I still would ask that every day but now I have to add to that prayer to help me be able to live up to the stress of facing that procedure for ten more days. In the light of day it seems like a short time but in the deep, darkest part of night it seems to be monumental. At least I can celebrate today! I did it one more time and it was not so bad at all.
As I believe I've mentioned before in my blogs that I have not been able to wash my hair. Well today lo and behold I have clean hair! What a delight, it's the little things in life sometimes that can give such joy. Andrea came over and we rigged up a way that I could sit on my little step stool and prop my head on the bath tub stool and arrange an old shower curtain and a few towels to catch the drips and we made a make shift protective cover over the radiated area and commenced to begin! It took about four sudsings to get the hair clean and grease free but we did it. Andrea used the hair dryer and dried and brushed it and I felt like a new person. Talk about an attitude adjustment! We took some pictures and I am now sitting here typing without a hat on. How's that for a morale booster?
It actually makes me feel guilty that I spend so much time whining about my plight when I can look around and see so many people that are suffering the terrible woes of this world and don't even have time to whine and complain. I once heard a man say that if we all took our troubles and hung them out on a line, they would all still take theirs and I would still take mine.
I must admit that I am having more pain each day but when I saw the doctor today he said everything looks great and is going well. He will not be there next week, he said, but assured me that his associates would be seeing me. Ciao.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Rad. Nine
Today it is cold outside as well as inside. It was only 47 degrees when I awakened today. It is only expected to be in the 60's today. Same thing predicted for tomorrow but then it is supposed to warm up again.
Confusion reigned today. I got a call from the hospital at 8:15 and they said that the machine was mal-functioning and they would have to move my appointment to 12:15. This presented a problem because Gregg was taking me today and then going to meet Brian at his house so he could do some electrical work for him. They were to meet at 12 noon because that was Brian's lunch time and he could be away from his jobs at that time. Gregg called Karen and asked her to take me today if she could and then he could trade with her for another day. It involved a lot of calls back and forth and during the final call to let me know what the decision was, another call beeped in on call-waiting and it was the hospital calling back to say they got the machine working again and I could come at the regular time! I pays to be flexible in these times!
Anyway, I arrived there on time and had to wait about 15 minutes before being called down to the treatment room. Things went very well today.It took awhile to get me set up and aligned but they finally got it set to their liking. They talked to each other about wanting to have Dr. Stoll come in to look at it one day this week. ( they did have to loosen one lock for me)
The session was not quite as long as it was yesterday but I was able to remain relatively calm and didn't experience any pain from the torturous mask. It was very cold in the room. They have a hard rubber or plastic ring that I hold while the treatment is going on. It's hard to explain but holding that ring with both hands is somehow or other soothing. I've found that the couple of times that I did not have the ring and just clasped my own hands over my mid-drift were more stressful than when I do have the ring to hang on to. Maybe when I am holding my own hands I am aware of tensing up and am passing my anxiety from one hand to the other and therefore on to the rest of my body. Whereas, when I have the ring to hold, my tenseness is blocked somehow by the ring. Sounds crazy, even to me! Maybe the rays are getting to me! Next thing you know I'll be seeing spider webs on the table! (They did say that I did a fantastic job, today.)
Tomorrow, I will be half way through! As my friend, Fanny, used to say, "You never get used to hanging." I would like to prove her wrong but so far I haven't gotten used to this. We'll see. Ciao
Confusion reigned today. I got a call from the hospital at 8:15 and they said that the machine was mal-functioning and they would have to move my appointment to 12:15. This presented a problem because Gregg was taking me today and then going to meet Brian at his house so he could do some electrical work for him. They were to meet at 12 noon because that was Brian's lunch time and he could be away from his jobs at that time. Gregg called Karen and asked her to take me today if she could and then he could trade with her for another day. It involved a lot of calls back and forth and during the final call to let me know what the decision was, another call beeped in on call-waiting and it was the hospital calling back to say they got the machine working again and I could come at the regular time! I pays to be flexible in these times!
Anyway, I arrived there on time and had to wait about 15 minutes before being called down to the treatment room. Things went very well today.It took awhile to get me set up and aligned but they finally got it set to their liking. They talked to each other about wanting to have Dr. Stoll come in to look at it one day this week. ( they did have to loosen one lock for me)
The session was not quite as long as it was yesterday but I was able to remain relatively calm and didn't experience any pain from the torturous mask. It was very cold in the room. They have a hard rubber or plastic ring that I hold while the treatment is going on. It's hard to explain but holding that ring with both hands is somehow or other soothing. I've found that the couple of times that I did not have the ring and just clasped my own hands over my mid-drift were more stressful than when I do have the ring to hang on to. Maybe when I am holding my own hands I am aware of tensing up and am passing my anxiety from one hand to the other and therefore on to the rest of my body. Whereas, when I have the ring to hold, my tenseness is blocked somehow by the ring. Sounds crazy, even to me! Maybe the rays are getting to me! Next thing you know I'll be seeing spider webs on the table! (They did say that I did a fantastic job, today.)
Tomorrow, I will be half way through! As my friend, Fanny, used to say, "You never get used to hanging." I would like to prove her wrong but so far I haven't gotten used to this. We'll see. Ciao
Monday, September 28, 2009
Same Place Same Time
The two weekend days go by in a hurry. Fortunately, I can put the mask out of my mind for a few days and I have time to tell myself that I can certainly do this! It'll be over before I know it. I still have not reached the half way mark but I'm getting closer!
Today it is a little cooler outside and a whiff of fall in the air. We got there just on time today and I discovered that I had changed purses over the weekend and forgot to transfer my I.D. arm bracelet to the purse I was carrying. I ask the person at the sign-in desk if that meant I could not have a treatment today because I didn't have my official I.D. with me, but she was sure I had left it home on purpose to try to weazle out of the treatment and insisted on making me a new one! Some people are so acommodating!
They were a little late calling me in to the treatment room. It is a downhill trek to get there. There are stainless steel rails along the wall to assist you and the floor is a beautiful inlaid designed wooden ramp. I can kind of coast down there.
I always have to remove my hat and the protective piece of gauze from my head before getting on the treatment table. I, for some reason or other always forget to remove my glasses. The assistant teck kids me about not taking off my "eye balls". Today I made a concerted effort to remember it on my own without having to be reminded. They laughed and congratulated me on remembering.
They gently placed the mask on but it hurt again and we had to adjust my position on the table. Just a fraction of an inch can make such a difference. They both worked to move my body, or head to get it right before they could proceed. The clamps had to be locked and then unlocked and locked again to accomplish the task. Finally, we achieved the position and they loosened one clamp and said we were all ready to go.
I began my mental gymnastic measuring as they left the room and the treatment started. It was the longest one I've had so far. I went beyond my measurement system but it finally ended. It left me very,very fatigued. I could hardly lift my leg to climb into Karen's car. When I got home, I made it upstairs to lie on the bed. I didn't even remove my hat. I woke up at 3:00 PM. I had to make myself get up and tend to some things that had to be done around here.
Jennifer told me this morning that my skin is starting to break down. It is very red and very sensitive. It will probably get worse as I go along. I have been unable to wash my hair from the beginning of the treatments and as one can well imagine, it is in unbelievable condition. For one thing the gel that they coat the area with is rather grease like and has spread through some of the hair around the site. Since I wear a hat when I leave the house it has not been so noticeable for others to see, but in the house, I keep the gauze over the site and the stringy hair is very visible! Of course there is no hair around the site, it is completely bald. The area that was actually zapped by the rays will remain bald the rest of my life. Andrea is going to have to be creative in cutting my hair and styling it to cover the bald spot.
She and I talked yesterday about what could be worked out for now to get it washed. She is going to call the guy that cuts Gregg's and Brian's hair and used to cut Doc's and see if we can come up there on Wed. and use his shampoo bowl so that she can wash mine. I need to have my head back to get it washed . I got instructions today from the tech and she said as long as we keep the treatment area dry , we should be OK. The area is outlined by a blue marker so it will be easy to know where Not to get wet. We'll just come home after the shampoo and dry and cut it here at home. I am so looking forward to that! The greasy strings are really getting to me. The barbor shop is in the Breckenridge Inn which is just five minutes away so that's why we are going there instead of Andrea's which is about an hour, round trip away from here. I cannot blame this adventure on vanity... my head itches big time in the back and top and pains in the front! What would you do? Shaving my whole head is not an option!!!! ( It may all fall out anyway but if it does, I'll deal with it.)
OK that's enough for this episode. I just keep reminding myself that these are the golden years! Ciao.
Today it is a little cooler outside and a whiff of fall in the air. We got there just on time today and I discovered that I had changed purses over the weekend and forgot to transfer my I.D. arm bracelet to the purse I was carrying. I ask the person at the sign-in desk if that meant I could not have a treatment today because I didn't have my official I.D. with me, but she was sure I had left it home on purpose to try to weazle out of the treatment and insisted on making me a new one! Some people are so acommodating!
They were a little late calling me in to the treatment room. It is a downhill trek to get there. There are stainless steel rails along the wall to assist you and the floor is a beautiful inlaid designed wooden ramp. I can kind of coast down there.
I always have to remove my hat and the protective piece of gauze from my head before getting on the treatment table. I, for some reason or other always forget to remove my glasses. The assistant teck kids me about not taking off my "eye balls". Today I made a concerted effort to remember it on my own without having to be reminded. They laughed and congratulated me on remembering.
They gently placed the mask on but it hurt again and we had to adjust my position on the table. Just a fraction of an inch can make such a difference. They both worked to move my body, or head to get it right before they could proceed. The clamps had to be locked and then unlocked and locked again to accomplish the task. Finally, we achieved the position and they loosened one clamp and said we were all ready to go.
I began my mental gymnastic measuring as they left the room and the treatment started. It was the longest one I've had so far. I went beyond my measurement system but it finally ended. It left me very,very fatigued. I could hardly lift my leg to climb into Karen's car. When I got home, I made it upstairs to lie on the bed. I didn't even remove my hat. I woke up at 3:00 PM. I had to make myself get up and tend to some things that had to be done around here.
Jennifer told me this morning that my skin is starting to break down. It is very red and very sensitive. It will probably get worse as I go along. I have been unable to wash my hair from the beginning of the treatments and as one can well imagine, it is in unbelievable condition. For one thing the gel that they coat the area with is rather grease like and has spread through some of the hair around the site. Since I wear a hat when I leave the house it has not been so noticeable for others to see, but in the house, I keep the gauze over the site and the stringy hair is very visible! Of course there is no hair around the site, it is completely bald. The area that was actually zapped by the rays will remain bald the rest of my life. Andrea is going to have to be creative in cutting my hair and styling it to cover the bald spot.
She and I talked yesterday about what could be worked out for now to get it washed. She is going to call the guy that cuts Gregg's and Brian's hair and used to cut Doc's and see if we can come up there on Wed. and use his shampoo bowl so that she can wash mine. I need to have my head back to get it washed . I got instructions today from the tech and she said as long as we keep the treatment area dry , we should be OK. The area is outlined by a blue marker so it will be easy to know where Not to get wet. We'll just come home after the shampoo and dry and cut it here at home. I am so looking forward to that! The greasy strings are really getting to me. The barbor shop is in the Breckenridge Inn which is just five minutes away so that's why we are going there instead of Andrea's which is about an hour, round trip away from here. I cannot blame this adventure on vanity... my head itches big time in the back and top and pains in the front! What would you do? Shaving my whole head is not an option!!!! ( It may all fall out anyway but if it does, I'll deal with it.)
OK that's enough for this episode. I just keep reminding myself that these are the golden years! Ciao.
Friday, September 25, 2009
This moring at 2:20 AM I was awakened by the phone ringing. I normally get very frightened when the phone rings in the middle of the night but I've been getting calls every now and then from GE employees saying they are not going to be at work. I am always tempted to say that there is a new practice now and they can have the next three days off. So far I've restrained myself. When it rang this morning I answered and it was a female asking what I was doing! I was very civil to her and suggested that she look up the number and be aware of the numbers she was punching. I hung up but she obviously didn't take my advise because she called back in a few minutes. Once I am awake it is almost impossible for me to go back to sleep. So I had quite a few hours to lie there and think up things to worry about. I finally turned on the TV at 4 AM and watched a show whose name I cann't remember.
I decided that I would not need any locks loosened today. It is my eighth treatment and it is time I make a greater effort to accept the fact that it is probably as bad as it gets. So lie there and breathe easily and it will be OK.
Gregg was going to take me but he and Paul stayed here and stripped wall paper off the kitchen walls and Karen took me. There is usually a pretty full waiting room but for some reason there was only one fellow there when we got there. I didn't have to wait long at all. I didn't even have time to look for a magazine. Jennifer, the regular tech, came up to get me and when I got down to the room we were all ready to get started.
The mask slipped on easily and I took deep breaths to relax myself and the treatment began. No problem. My skin is beginning to get pretty red and does hurt now more than it has been. I guess I knew it was coming so I am not complaining. The radiation itself does not hurt at all, its like having a flash light beam aimed at your head but it is beginning to burn the skin. I have twelve more treatments to go.
If my skin holds up and I don't have to take any time off, I will finish up about October 13. Seems a long time to go but I'm hoping it goes quickly.
Big day today! TGIF I don't go back until Monday! Ciao
I decided that I would not need any locks loosened today. It is my eighth treatment and it is time I make a greater effort to accept the fact that it is probably as bad as it gets. So lie there and breathe easily and it will be OK.
Gregg was going to take me but he and Paul stayed here and stripped wall paper off the kitchen walls and Karen took me. There is usually a pretty full waiting room but for some reason there was only one fellow there when we got there. I didn't have to wait long at all. I didn't even have time to look for a magazine. Jennifer, the regular tech, came up to get me and when I got down to the room we were all ready to get started.
The mask slipped on easily and I took deep breaths to relax myself and the treatment began. No problem. My skin is beginning to get pretty red and does hurt now more than it has been. I guess I knew it was coming so I am not complaining. The radiation itself does not hurt at all, its like having a flash light beam aimed at your head but it is beginning to burn the skin. I have twelve more treatments to go.
If my skin holds up and I don't have to take any time off, I will finish up about October 13. Seems a long time to go but I'm hoping it goes quickly.
Big day today! TGIF I don't go back until Monday! Ciao
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Thirteen More to go
I'm not even half way yet! Today I took 1/2 of a pill before I went. We were very early getting there, about 20 minutes early and they were about 20 minutes late in calling me down to the radiation room. The regular tech was not there, it's her day off, so a man tech called me over the PA and it sounded like he said, " Mrs. Fitz-jello, you can come on down."
They put the mask on and it felt all wrong, I put my hands up in the air and the assistant immediately took the mask off. She apologized and said she was sorry. I think that was the worst reaction I have had yet. She very gently slipped the mask on while explaining to him how it makes a difference to me.
She loosened just one clamp and I felt so much better. They did all of the adjustments that they need to do and then said I was ready. They left the room and I tolerated it until the signals I've come to recognize told me it was almost over! Pretty good day. Ciao.
They put the mask on and it felt all wrong, I put my hands up in the air and the assistant immediately took the mask off. She apologized and said she was sorry. I think that was the worst reaction I have had yet. She very gently slipped the mask on while explaining to him how it makes a difference to me.
She loosened just one clamp and I felt so much better. They did all of the adjustments that they need to do and then said I was ready. They left the room and I tolerated it until the signals I've come to recognize told me it was almost over! Pretty good day. Ciao.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Still at it
When I woke up this morning I was already tired. I had been in bed for seven or eight hours but it did not seem to be enough. However, I did get up and took my shower and got ready for the day. I was moving rather slowly and I drank a cup of tea and a coke also. I took one of the tiny pills that I've been advised to take before going to the treatment.
Karen picked me up and we were not there long when the tech came out to get me. It is so cold in the waiting room and actually in the treatment area too. They have two small portable radiators to provide heat in the waiting room. As Gregg said yesterday, it seems a little odd to have the room cooled down by the aircondition and then heated up by the radiators! Go figure!
Any way, I did bounce off the walls a bit on the ramp that leads to the treatment area but I was OK.
I really did not come close to being agitated when they put the mask on and felt OK when they locked it down. They lined up all the numbers and soon left me so that the treatment could start. I was fine, I would not go so far as to say I was comfortable but I was not ready to freak out. When I was just about at the end of my mental routine that tells me the treatment is about over I did start to get anxious but just then the red light went off and the two techs were back in to unlock the mask. Whew. I think this was my best session!
Jennifer, the tech said it was the day to see the doctor so I had to wait for a few minutes. They weighed me first and took my blood pressure and then the doctor came in. He immediately said, "You look so tired!" He asked if I had taken the pill and I said I had so he recommended that I just take half of a pill tomorrow. He looked at the site and said it looks good and he thinks things are going well.
I came home and ate a bowl of cream of wheat and lay down on the bed to watch the noon news and just now woke up! It's 3:30. Maybe I won't look so tired now. The fatigue is so hard to deal with. I am still feeling worn out.
We'll see what half the dosage does for me tomorrow. Ciao.
Karen picked me up and we were not there long when the tech came out to get me. It is so cold in the waiting room and actually in the treatment area too. They have two small portable radiators to provide heat in the waiting room. As Gregg said yesterday, it seems a little odd to have the room cooled down by the aircondition and then heated up by the radiators! Go figure!
Any way, I did bounce off the walls a bit on the ramp that leads to the treatment area but I was OK.
I really did not come close to being agitated when they put the mask on and felt OK when they locked it down. They lined up all the numbers and soon left me so that the treatment could start. I was fine, I would not go so far as to say I was comfortable but I was not ready to freak out. When I was just about at the end of my mental routine that tells me the treatment is about over I did start to get anxious but just then the red light went off and the two techs were back in to unlock the mask. Whew. I think this was my best session!
Jennifer, the tech said it was the day to see the doctor so I had to wait for a few minutes. They weighed me first and took my blood pressure and then the doctor came in. He immediately said, "You look so tired!" He asked if I had taken the pill and I said I had so he recommended that I just take half of a pill tomorrow. He looked at the site and said it looks good and he thinks things are going well.
I came home and ate a bowl of cream of wheat and lay down on the bed to watch the noon news and just now woke up! It's 3:30. Maybe I won't look so tired now. The fatigue is so hard to deal with. I am still feeling worn out.
We'll see what half the dosage does for me tomorrow. Ciao.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Five Down
Today was a little different than the other days. I had a difficult time breathing. Good thing I took the trank because I wasn't panic stricken it was just that I had to keep making an effort to breath. The techs said the session went well and I did not move which is no surprize becasue they did not un lock the locks to loosen the mask. I think I am doing better but I am feeligng the effects more. My head ache is more intense and my fatigue is more pronounced. I came home and did a few things and then went to bed and slept for about 90 minutes. Two days in a row I've taken a nap! That is almost unheard of for me.
I am also getting used to wearing a hat! The radiation site is very sore and tender. My hair, is totally pityful, it is just indescribable! Hence the hat!
Today is the first day of fall and it is hot and muggy outside and with each day I get a little closer to compleating this regime. Ciao
I am also getting used to wearing a hat! The radiation site is very sore and tender. My hair, is totally pityful, it is just indescribable! Hence the hat!
Today is the first day of fall and it is hot and muggy outside and with each day I get a little closer to compleating this regime. Ciao
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