You are probably all aware of the terms "bottle neck" or "log jam" and others that mean there is an obstruction of some kind, stopping the flow of some thing. Well, I have had an "idea jam" in my brain, stopping the flow of words that I would use in my written account of my thinkings. There are numerous subjects that I would like to address.
I have many things to say about many subjects. I would like to address the 'tin foil hat crowd' and their abysmal behavior at the Town Hall meetings. I would reiterate that all Americans have freedom of speech. I resent those that are intent on preventing people from expressing their ideas by shouting over them, using obscenities and displaying weapons and using terroristic tactics to sew the seeds of fear in certain segments of society.
I would like to expound on the Op Ed page where there is truly freedom to express your ideas, no matter how off base they seem to another. The offended person has the freedom to answer in like manner. No one threating him or her for defending his/her ideas.
I would like to write a commentary on the flagitious behavior of some of the prominent men in our lives. Polititions, coaches, teachers, clergymen, scout leaders, dads. There is much to be said and analyzed about these vile, scandalous events.
I would like to express my feelings about school starting with out me being there. I love teaching and children and feel the urge to go off and do my thing.
All of these subjects have been roiling around in my brain and I have not settled down to write any one of them. I did start one about "fear" and its affect on all of us but I 'saved' it and may get back to it another day. My whole existance has been focused on myself and the latest major happening in my life. I'm still sorting out my take on all of it and will try to squeeze it out of my brain and sort it out on this venue.
"I am the fairest of them all" is not a good thing when it is talking about your skin and and hair. I grew up with red hair and everyone pondering about why my hair was red. My mother, dad and siblings had brown hair and were prone to tan when they spent time in the sun. I was prone to blisters and firey red skin when I spent time in the sun,followed by countless freckles! When I was about 10 years old I had what they used to call a sun stroke. Dr. Evans, our family doctor, who had delivered me and all my siblings and had dealt with all my maladies up to that point at my bedside, said I should never be allowed to spend any time in the sun, for the rest of my life. I had to be covered at all times when I was in the sun. I grew used to it because, quite frankly I am not comfortable in the sun. As a consequence, I spent all of my years on beaches and lakesides under cover of an umbrella or towels and clothing. Doc loved the sun and spent endless hours sitting in the sun up until the day he died. He sunned himself even in the winter bundled up if necessary. A few of his children are the same way. ( Mainly, the girls) All of the children do get tan and can tolerate the sun far better than I.
Naturally, I have for years had standing appointments with the dermatologist. I've long since been told that I am paying for the days of my childhood. Freckles are a sign of sun damage. That wasn't common knowledge when I was acquiring those freckles. As a child I was frequently asked about my hair and my freckles. "Where did you get all those freckles?" Sometimes those enquiries were followed by crude remarks that I detested. I HATE my freckles and always did! Rude people felt very comfortable asking my parents or my grandparents, "Where did she get that hair?" I used to have very scorching replies to those questions, but I wisely kept them to myself. "How did you get so rude?" "Why do you have such big ears?" Why are you so ugly?" "Why do you eat so much?" Words better left unspoken. Wisdom came at an early age.
I have had pre-canderous growths removed from my skin for the last 40 years. They seem to have escalated as I've grown older. The first cancerous growth was removed about twelve or fifteen years ago, I've had a few since plus the non-cancerous growths that I seem to grow new crops of each six or eight months. One doctor refers to them as barnacles. So it was no surprize when I grew a new leision on my forehead right along my hairline. About three years ago the dermatologist that I had at that time "froze" it and said come back in six months. I looked a little better but was still present. At each six month visit I would mention it again so through the years I have had it "frozen", I've had to use Chemo-therapy ointment on it for a month and finally last June had it "frozen" again. This dermatologist is relatively new to me and he said if the 'spot' did not heal in four weeks to come back. It did not heal and in fact grew a little larger and began to hurt. I went back to the doctor and he said it was squamous cell cancer and he would have to remove it surgically.
When I went to have the procedure, which I considered no big deal, he said it had grown even more since he had last looked at it. (About a week ago) and he had been thinking it over and chose to do a more complicated procedure that had a 98% percent cure rate. Very time consuming but relatively simple. OK!
I had to go back a few days later for that procedure and he found that he had made the right decision to do the more complicated surgery because there was more cancer than he could detect at first. It was successful and he feels sure that he got it all. BUT he would like for me to have radiation to insure that it will not recur. He is recommending it but the final decision has to be mine.
I feel as if I am back to square one, so to speak. Back in 2000 when I had the first cancer surgery. It was surmised that we had gotten it all and then the BUT came. Maybe I should have radiation and chemo therapy, the decision was mine to make. I made an appointment with the oncology-radiologist and we thouroghly discussed
the whole subject and discussed the pros and cons and I finally decided that I would take my chances on there being no recurrence. I was wrong!
I had two more recurrences and two more surgeries and had 30 radiation treatments which caused me to have one more surgery to repair the after effects of the treatments. Four surgeries in all in a five year span. I know there is no guarantee that if I had had the chemo and the radiation I would not have had the recurrence but that is something I will never know. Now here I am again!
The doctor explained to me that the radiation for the colon was a lot different than this would be because the treatments can be more focused but nevertheless I would have to have thirty of them and I wonder if I will experience the same fatigue and how about hair loss and how about the thirty trips up and back,questions,questions and more questions. I am leaning toward taking the treatments because... Maybe I'm not as much of a risk taker or maybe my odds are no better than before. What to do?
I have a few weeks to think about it because I could not start treatment until this spot on my head has healed. I thought I'd write about it and maybe seeing it in print would make the decision easier. I put on my ' feeling quirkey in Kenturkey' shirt and wrote it all down. We'll see. Woe is me! Ciao
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