# 11

When I was growing up there were two medical terms that were totally unheard of by the general population. One of them was "allergy". No one had, or spoke of allergies. We did know of 'hey fever' and as far as foods went people just said, "Cucumbers don't agree with him. Milk doesn't agree with him." If you were afflicted with a food item that did 'not agree' with you, you just didn't eat that food. It wasn't until late in my growing up years that my grandmother expressed her opinion that allergies were a 'new ' thing. She said now everyone has allergies! It was pretty much the same way with cancer. I was in high school before I ever even heard the word 'cancer'. A friend's sister was diagnosed with cancer and we were all made aware that she would not live long. It was pretty much a death sentence. In those early days, the 1940's and 1950's , it was true. If you got cancer you were told to get your affairs in order because the end was near. The most talked about cancer was breast cancer. Saying the word' breast' was almost as verboten as saying the word' cancer'. Saying the words together was obscene. Actually ten or fifteen years ago when the 'breast cancer' was diagnosed the next thought you had was Death.

Think how far we have come! Women refused to accept the fact that that's the way it was and they got busy and insisted on more studies and more efforts be made to find cures and successful treatments for this malady. Breast cancers have decreased somewhat but it is no longer a death sentence when you get it. I have many friends that have had it and have lived through it.

Now, I have thoughts on cancer that may go against the present day conception of cancer. I pretty much object to the word survivor in regard to cancer. People use that term always to talk about people that have had cancer and have had it treated and have lived. Do we say the same thing for a person that has been treated for pneumonia,heart attacks , gall bladder surgery, bleeding ulcers and hundreds of other maladies? Why just call cancer survivors, survivors?
People are identified as people that have had cancer. Cancer does not define me! I refuse to call it "my cancer". It's just cancer and I happened to have had it.

I have survived many, many things, The Great Depression, WW Two, giving birth, Hysterectomy, shopping at Kroger's on Senior Day, teaching eighth graders and the list goes on. Yes, I did survive three internal cancers and a few external ones but still none of these things define me. I am who I am, and who I am may have been affected by these defining moments in my life but I don't think any one thing in my life made me what I am. I'm sort of a Mosaic.

I didn't mean to get carried away there. I have one more radiation over with. I now have just nine left. I still get breathless when they lock those locks down and I still feel monumental relief when they lift that mask off my face but I think I can do it nine more times!

Today one of the other techs did it because Jennifer was off today. She wanted to do it just exactly right so she delayed starting the machine until another person checked to see for sure that she had the settings right. Those extra minutes seemed like an hour. I really was relieved to hear the locks loosened. The other tech told me that it matters if the setting is just 3mm. off

My headache is worse at times but is actually feeling good right now. The bald area looks mighty big when I take the gauze off. I'll have to make adjustments.Oh,well. Ciao