I have finally hit the half way mark. I look back and realize how long ago it seems since I started and think that I have that many more in front of me. I'm somewhat overwhelmed. In the mundane days of life, we usually cruise along not knowing what is coming and don't spend our days and nights wondering if we are up to the task of surviving what ever is facing us. I know that I frequently ask for God's help in facing life's trials and tribulations, particularly the unknown ones and I still would ask that every day but now I have to add to that prayer to help me be able to live up to the stress of facing that procedure for ten more days. In the light of day it seems like a short time but in the deep, darkest part of night it seems to be monumental. At least I can celebrate today! I did it one more time and it was not so bad at all.
As I believe I've mentioned before in my blogs that I have not been able to wash my hair. Well today lo and behold I have clean hair! What a delight, it's the little things in life sometimes that can give such joy. Andrea came over and we rigged up a way that I could sit on my little step stool and prop my head on the bath tub stool and arrange an old shower curtain and a few towels to catch the drips and we made a make shift protective cover over the radiated area and commenced to begin! It took about four sudsings to get the hair clean and grease free but we did it. Andrea used the hair dryer and dried and brushed it and I felt like a new person. Talk about an attitude adjustment! We took some pictures and I am now sitting here typing without a hat on. How's that for a morale booster?
It actually makes me feel guilty that I spend so much time whining about my plight when I can look around and see so many people that are suffering the terrible woes of this world and don't even have time to whine and complain. I once heard a man say that if we all took our troubles and hung them out on a line, they would all still take theirs and I would still take mine.
I must admit that I am having more pain each day but when I saw the doctor today he said everything looks great and is going well. He will not be there next week, he said, but assured me that his associates would be seeing me. Ciao.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Rad. Nine
Today it is cold outside as well as inside. It was only 47 degrees when I awakened today. It is only expected to be in the 60's today. Same thing predicted for tomorrow but then it is supposed to warm up again.
Confusion reigned today. I got a call from the hospital at 8:15 and they said that the machine was mal-functioning and they would have to move my appointment to 12:15. This presented a problem because Gregg was taking me today and then going to meet Brian at his house so he could do some electrical work for him. They were to meet at 12 noon because that was Brian's lunch time and he could be away from his jobs at that time. Gregg called Karen and asked her to take me today if she could and then he could trade with her for another day. It involved a lot of calls back and forth and during the final call to let me know what the decision was, another call beeped in on call-waiting and it was the hospital calling back to say they got the machine working again and I could come at the regular time! I pays to be flexible in these times!
Anyway, I arrived there on time and had to wait about 15 minutes before being called down to the treatment room. Things went very well today.It took awhile to get me set up and aligned but they finally got it set to their liking. They talked to each other about wanting to have Dr. Stoll come in to look at it one day this week. ( they did have to loosen one lock for me)
The session was not quite as long as it was yesterday but I was able to remain relatively calm and didn't experience any pain from the torturous mask. It was very cold in the room. They have a hard rubber or plastic ring that I hold while the treatment is going on. It's hard to explain but holding that ring with both hands is somehow or other soothing. I've found that the couple of times that I did not have the ring and just clasped my own hands over my mid-drift were more stressful than when I do have the ring to hang on to. Maybe when I am holding my own hands I am aware of tensing up and am passing my anxiety from one hand to the other and therefore on to the rest of my body. Whereas, when I have the ring to hold, my tenseness is blocked somehow by the ring. Sounds crazy, even to me! Maybe the rays are getting to me! Next thing you know I'll be seeing spider webs on the table! (They did say that I did a fantastic job, today.)
Tomorrow, I will be half way through! As my friend, Fanny, used to say, "You never get used to hanging." I would like to prove her wrong but so far I haven't gotten used to this. We'll see. Ciao
Confusion reigned today. I got a call from the hospital at 8:15 and they said that the machine was mal-functioning and they would have to move my appointment to 12:15. This presented a problem because Gregg was taking me today and then going to meet Brian at his house so he could do some electrical work for him. They were to meet at 12 noon because that was Brian's lunch time and he could be away from his jobs at that time. Gregg called Karen and asked her to take me today if she could and then he could trade with her for another day. It involved a lot of calls back and forth and during the final call to let me know what the decision was, another call beeped in on call-waiting and it was the hospital calling back to say they got the machine working again and I could come at the regular time! I pays to be flexible in these times!
Anyway, I arrived there on time and had to wait about 15 minutes before being called down to the treatment room. Things went very well today.It took awhile to get me set up and aligned but they finally got it set to their liking. They talked to each other about wanting to have Dr. Stoll come in to look at it one day this week. ( they did have to loosen one lock for me)
The session was not quite as long as it was yesterday but I was able to remain relatively calm and didn't experience any pain from the torturous mask. It was very cold in the room. They have a hard rubber or plastic ring that I hold while the treatment is going on. It's hard to explain but holding that ring with both hands is somehow or other soothing. I've found that the couple of times that I did not have the ring and just clasped my own hands over my mid-drift were more stressful than when I do have the ring to hang on to. Maybe when I am holding my own hands I am aware of tensing up and am passing my anxiety from one hand to the other and therefore on to the rest of my body. Whereas, when I have the ring to hold, my tenseness is blocked somehow by the ring. Sounds crazy, even to me! Maybe the rays are getting to me! Next thing you know I'll be seeing spider webs on the table! (They did say that I did a fantastic job, today.)
Tomorrow, I will be half way through! As my friend, Fanny, used to say, "You never get used to hanging." I would like to prove her wrong but so far I haven't gotten used to this. We'll see. Ciao
Monday, September 28, 2009
Same Place Same Time
The two weekend days go by in a hurry. Fortunately, I can put the mask out of my mind for a few days and I have time to tell myself that I can certainly do this! It'll be over before I know it. I still have not reached the half way mark but I'm getting closer!
Today it is a little cooler outside and a whiff of fall in the air. We got there just on time today and I discovered that I had changed purses over the weekend and forgot to transfer my I.D. arm bracelet to the purse I was carrying. I ask the person at the sign-in desk if that meant I could not have a treatment today because I didn't have my official I.D. with me, but she was sure I had left it home on purpose to try to weazle out of the treatment and insisted on making me a new one! Some people are so acommodating!
They were a little late calling me in to the treatment room. It is a downhill trek to get there. There are stainless steel rails along the wall to assist you and the floor is a beautiful inlaid designed wooden ramp. I can kind of coast down there.
I always have to remove my hat and the protective piece of gauze from my head before getting on the treatment table. I, for some reason or other always forget to remove my glasses. The assistant teck kids me about not taking off my "eye balls". Today I made a concerted effort to remember it on my own without having to be reminded. They laughed and congratulated me on remembering.
They gently placed the mask on but it hurt again and we had to adjust my position on the table. Just a fraction of an inch can make such a difference. They both worked to move my body, or head to get it right before they could proceed. The clamps had to be locked and then unlocked and locked again to accomplish the task. Finally, we achieved the position and they loosened one clamp and said we were all ready to go.
I began my mental gymnastic measuring as they left the room and the treatment started. It was the longest one I've had so far. I went beyond my measurement system but it finally ended. It left me very,very fatigued. I could hardly lift my leg to climb into Karen's car. When I got home, I made it upstairs to lie on the bed. I didn't even remove my hat. I woke up at 3:00 PM. I had to make myself get up and tend to some things that had to be done around here.
Jennifer told me this morning that my skin is starting to break down. It is very red and very sensitive. It will probably get worse as I go along. I have been unable to wash my hair from the beginning of the treatments and as one can well imagine, it is in unbelievable condition. For one thing the gel that they coat the area with is rather grease like and has spread through some of the hair around the site. Since I wear a hat when I leave the house it has not been so noticeable for others to see, but in the house, I keep the gauze over the site and the stringy hair is very visible! Of course there is no hair around the site, it is completely bald. The area that was actually zapped by the rays will remain bald the rest of my life. Andrea is going to have to be creative in cutting my hair and styling it to cover the bald spot.
She and I talked yesterday about what could be worked out for now to get it washed. She is going to call the guy that cuts Gregg's and Brian's hair and used to cut Doc's and see if we can come up there on Wed. and use his shampoo bowl so that she can wash mine. I need to have my head back to get it washed . I got instructions today from the tech and she said as long as we keep the treatment area dry , we should be OK. The area is outlined by a blue marker so it will be easy to know where Not to get wet. We'll just come home after the shampoo and dry and cut it here at home. I am so looking forward to that! The greasy strings are really getting to me. The barbor shop is in the Breckenridge Inn which is just five minutes away so that's why we are going there instead of Andrea's which is about an hour, round trip away from here. I cannot blame this adventure on vanity... my head itches big time in the back and top and pains in the front! What would you do? Shaving my whole head is not an option!!!! ( It may all fall out anyway but if it does, I'll deal with it.)
OK that's enough for this episode. I just keep reminding myself that these are the golden years! Ciao.
Today it is a little cooler outside and a whiff of fall in the air. We got there just on time today and I discovered that I had changed purses over the weekend and forgot to transfer my I.D. arm bracelet to the purse I was carrying. I ask the person at the sign-in desk if that meant I could not have a treatment today because I didn't have my official I.D. with me, but she was sure I had left it home on purpose to try to weazle out of the treatment and insisted on making me a new one! Some people are so acommodating!
They were a little late calling me in to the treatment room. It is a downhill trek to get there. There are stainless steel rails along the wall to assist you and the floor is a beautiful inlaid designed wooden ramp. I can kind of coast down there.
I always have to remove my hat and the protective piece of gauze from my head before getting on the treatment table. I, for some reason or other always forget to remove my glasses. The assistant teck kids me about not taking off my "eye balls". Today I made a concerted effort to remember it on my own without having to be reminded. They laughed and congratulated me on remembering.
They gently placed the mask on but it hurt again and we had to adjust my position on the table. Just a fraction of an inch can make such a difference. They both worked to move my body, or head to get it right before they could proceed. The clamps had to be locked and then unlocked and locked again to accomplish the task. Finally, we achieved the position and they loosened one clamp and said we were all ready to go.
I began my mental gymnastic measuring as they left the room and the treatment started. It was the longest one I've had so far. I went beyond my measurement system but it finally ended. It left me very,very fatigued. I could hardly lift my leg to climb into Karen's car. When I got home, I made it upstairs to lie on the bed. I didn't even remove my hat. I woke up at 3:00 PM. I had to make myself get up and tend to some things that had to be done around here.
Jennifer told me this morning that my skin is starting to break down. It is very red and very sensitive. It will probably get worse as I go along. I have been unable to wash my hair from the beginning of the treatments and as one can well imagine, it is in unbelievable condition. For one thing the gel that they coat the area with is rather grease like and has spread through some of the hair around the site. Since I wear a hat when I leave the house it has not been so noticeable for others to see, but in the house, I keep the gauze over the site and the stringy hair is very visible! Of course there is no hair around the site, it is completely bald. The area that was actually zapped by the rays will remain bald the rest of my life. Andrea is going to have to be creative in cutting my hair and styling it to cover the bald spot.
She and I talked yesterday about what could be worked out for now to get it washed. She is going to call the guy that cuts Gregg's and Brian's hair and used to cut Doc's and see if we can come up there on Wed. and use his shampoo bowl so that she can wash mine. I need to have my head back to get it washed . I got instructions today from the tech and she said as long as we keep the treatment area dry , we should be OK. The area is outlined by a blue marker so it will be easy to know where Not to get wet. We'll just come home after the shampoo and dry and cut it here at home. I am so looking forward to that! The greasy strings are really getting to me. The barbor shop is in the Breckenridge Inn which is just five minutes away so that's why we are going there instead of Andrea's which is about an hour, round trip away from here. I cannot blame this adventure on vanity... my head itches big time in the back and top and pains in the front! What would you do? Shaving my whole head is not an option!!!! ( It may all fall out anyway but if it does, I'll deal with it.)
OK that's enough for this episode. I just keep reminding myself that these are the golden years! Ciao.
Friday, September 25, 2009
This moring at 2:20 AM I was awakened by the phone ringing. I normally get very frightened when the phone rings in the middle of the night but I've been getting calls every now and then from GE employees saying they are not going to be at work. I am always tempted to say that there is a new practice now and they can have the next three days off. So far I've restrained myself. When it rang this morning I answered and it was a female asking what I was doing! I was very civil to her and suggested that she look up the number and be aware of the numbers she was punching. I hung up but she obviously didn't take my advise because she called back in a few minutes. Once I am awake it is almost impossible for me to go back to sleep. So I had quite a few hours to lie there and think up things to worry about. I finally turned on the TV at 4 AM and watched a show whose name I cann't remember.
I decided that I would not need any locks loosened today. It is my eighth treatment and it is time I make a greater effort to accept the fact that it is probably as bad as it gets. So lie there and breathe easily and it will be OK.
Gregg was going to take me but he and Paul stayed here and stripped wall paper off the kitchen walls and Karen took me. There is usually a pretty full waiting room but for some reason there was only one fellow there when we got there. I didn't have to wait long at all. I didn't even have time to look for a magazine. Jennifer, the regular tech, came up to get me and when I got down to the room we were all ready to get started.
The mask slipped on easily and I took deep breaths to relax myself and the treatment began. No problem. My skin is beginning to get pretty red and does hurt now more than it has been. I guess I knew it was coming so I am not complaining. The radiation itself does not hurt at all, its like having a flash light beam aimed at your head but it is beginning to burn the skin. I have twelve more treatments to go.
If my skin holds up and I don't have to take any time off, I will finish up about October 13. Seems a long time to go but I'm hoping it goes quickly.
Big day today! TGIF I don't go back until Monday! Ciao
I decided that I would not need any locks loosened today. It is my eighth treatment and it is time I make a greater effort to accept the fact that it is probably as bad as it gets. So lie there and breathe easily and it will be OK.
Gregg was going to take me but he and Paul stayed here and stripped wall paper off the kitchen walls and Karen took me. There is usually a pretty full waiting room but for some reason there was only one fellow there when we got there. I didn't have to wait long at all. I didn't even have time to look for a magazine. Jennifer, the regular tech, came up to get me and when I got down to the room we were all ready to get started.
The mask slipped on easily and I took deep breaths to relax myself and the treatment began. No problem. My skin is beginning to get pretty red and does hurt now more than it has been. I guess I knew it was coming so I am not complaining. The radiation itself does not hurt at all, its like having a flash light beam aimed at your head but it is beginning to burn the skin. I have twelve more treatments to go.
If my skin holds up and I don't have to take any time off, I will finish up about October 13. Seems a long time to go but I'm hoping it goes quickly.
Big day today! TGIF I don't go back until Monday! Ciao
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Thirteen More to go
I'm not even half way yet! Today I took 1/2 of a pill before I went. We were very early getting there, about 20 minutes early and they were about 20 minutes late in calling me down to the radiation room. The regular tech was not there, it's her day off, so a man tech called me over the PA and it sounded like he said, " Mrs. Fitz-jello, you can come on down."
They put the mask on and it felt all wrong, I put my hands up in the air and the assistant immediately took the mask off. She apologized and said she was sorry. I think that was the worst reaction I have had yet. She very gently slipped the mask on while explaining to him how it makes a difference to me.
She loosened just one clamp and I felt so much better. They did all of the adjustments that they need to do and then said I was ready. They left the room and I tolerated it until the signals I've come to recognize told me it was almost over! Pretty good day. Ciao.
They put the mask on and it felt all wrong, I put my hands up in the air and the assistant immediately took the mask off. She apologized and said she was sorry. I think that was the worst reaction I have had yet. She very gently slipped the mask on while explaining to him how it makes a difference to me.
She loosened just one clamp and I felt so much better. They did all of the adjustments that they need to do and then said I was ready. They left the room and I tolerated it until the signals I've come to recognize told me it was almost over! Pretty good day. Ciao.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Still at it
When I woke up this morning I was already tired. I had been in bed for seven or eight hours but it did not seem to be enough. However, I did get up and took my shower and got ready for the day. I was moving rather slowly and I drank a cup of tea and a coke also. I took one of the tiny pills that I've been advised to take before going to the treatment.
Karen picked me up and we were not there long when the tech came out to get me. It is so cold in the waiting room and actually in the treatment area too. They have two small portable radiators to provide heat in the waiting room. As Gregg said yesterday, it seems a little odd to have the room cooled down by the aircondition and then heated up by the radiators! Go figure!
Any way, I did bounce off the walls a bit on the ramp that leads to the treatment area but I was OK.
I really did not come close to being agitated when they put the mask on and felt OK when they locked it down. They lined up all the numbers and soon left me so that the treatment could start. I was fine, I would not go so far as to say I was comfortable but I was not ready to freak out. When I was just about at the end of my mental routine that tells me the treatment is about over I did start to get anxious but just then the red light went off and the two techs were back in to unlock the mask. Whew. I think this was my best session!
Jennifer, the tech said it was the day to see the doctor so I had to wait for a few minutes. They weighed me first and took my blood pressure and then the doctor came in. He immediately said, "You look so tired!" He asked if I had taken the pill and I said I had so he recommended that I just take half of a pill tomorrow. He looked at the site and said it looks good and he thinks things are going well.
I came home and ate a bowl of cream of wheat and lay down on the bed to watch the noon news and just now woke up! It's 3:30. Maybe I won't look so tired now. The fatigue is so hard to deal with. I am still feeling worn out.
We'll see what half the dosage does for me tomorrow. Ciao.
Karen picked me up and we were not there long when the tech came out to get me. It is so cold in the waiting room and actually in the treatment area too. They have two small portable radiators to provide heat in the waiting room. As Gregg said yesterday, it seems a little odd to have the room cooled down by the aircondition and then heated up by the radiators! Go figure!
Any way, I did bounce off the walls a bit on the ramp that leads to the treatment area but I was OK.
I really did not come close to being agitated when they put the mask on and felt OK when they locked it down. They lined up all the numbers and soon left me so that the treatment could start. I was fine, I would not go so far as to say I was comfortable but I was not ready to freak out. When I was just about at the end of my mental routine that tells me the treatment is about over I did start to get anxious but just then the red light went off and the two techs were back in to unlock the mask. Whew. I think this was my best session!
Jennifer, the tech said it was the day to see the doctor so I had to wait for a few minutes. They weighed me first and took my blood pressure and then the doctor came in. He immediately said, "You look so tired!" He asked if I had taken the pill and I said I had so he recommended that I just take half of a pill tomorrow. He looked at the site and said it looks good and he thinks things are going well.
I came home and ate a bowl of cream of wheat and lay down on the bed to watch the noon news and just now woke up! It's 3:30. Maybe I won't look so tired now. The fatigue is so hard to deal with. I am still feeling worn out.
We'll see what half the dosage does for me tomorrow. Ciao.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Five Down
Today was a little different than the other days. I had a difficult time breathing. Good thing I took the trank because I wasn't panic stricken it was just that I had to keep making an effort to breath. The techs said the session went well and I did not move which is no surprize becasue they did not un lock the locks to loosen the mask. I think I am doing better but I am feeligng the effects more. My head ache is more intense and my fatigue is more pronounced. I came home and did a few things and then went to bed and slept for about 90 minutes. Two days in a row I've taken a nap! That is almost unheard of for me.
I am also getting used to wearing a hat! The radiation site is very sore and tender. My hair, is totally pityful, it is just indescribable! Hence the hat!
Today is the first day of fall and it is hot and muggy outside and with each day I get a little closer to compleating this regime. Ciao
I am also getting used to wearing a hat! The radiation site is very sore and tender. My hair, is totally pityful, it is just indescribable! Hence the hat!
Today is the first day of fall and it is hot and muggy outside and with each day I get a little closer to compleating this regime. Ciao
Monday, September 21, 2009
Moving Right Along
Today I finally had to give in and take something to relax me somewhat. The prescription calls for three tablets a day but I am not going to do that. I took one this morning before I went and the whole session was very peaceful for me. I did not tense up and freeze when I saw the mask and they slipped it on with ease and proceeded to line me up and when they got my numbers all where then are supposed to be they said cheerfully, "OK, here we go." They left the room and I calmly waited until the buzz and the red light went off and they came back in and liberated me. Maybe I am just a little stubborn, I'll take it again tomorrow and see if maybe by the end of the week I will have overcome my fear of being locked down and try to go with out the tablet. I still am not going to take three of them in one day!
I have noticed some changes in my skin today. I have a little rash on the forehead and some little bumpy place under my left eye. The area that is being radiated is totally bald now and the skin around the incision is very pink. I do also have a headache most of the time.
The radiologist, when asked if I should get a flu shot, said "Absolutely!" I had called Dr. Cecil's office and they didn't even have the vaccine yet, then I called Krogers and an appointment was needed so I tried to make one. Our Kroger was booked up till late October and the Stony Brook was booked. The nearest Kroger they could find with an opening was the one at Taylorsville Rd and Bardstown Rd. So I made the appointment there for Sept. 30th.
Yesterday, I noticed a sign outside Walgreens that said they were giving flu shots so today when I came home from the radiation and the superb breakfast that we had at The Egg place, whose name I can't remember right now, I called Walgreens and ask if I needed an appointment and they said I could come anytime. I went right away and got my shot. No problem!
I do think the fatigue has set in, I am very very tired and weak right now. My legs and arms feel almost too heavy to lift. I am ready for bed so I'm going to get into my bed and hope I can stay awake for The Closer rerun. More tomorrow. Ciao
I have noticed some changes in my skin today. I have a little rash on the forehead and some little bumpy place under my left eye. The area that is being radiated is totally bald now and the skin around the incision is very pink. I do also have a headache most of the time.
The radiologist, when asked if I should get a flu shot, said "Absolutely!" I had called Dr. Cecil's office and they didn't even have the vaccine yet, then I called Krogers and an appointment was needed so I tried to make one. Our Kroger was booked up till late October and the Stony Brook was booked. The nearest Kroger they could find with an opening was the one at Taylorsville Rd and Bardstown Rd. So I made the appointment there for Sept. 30th.
Yesterday, I noticed a sign outside Walgreens that said they were giving flu shots so today when I came home from the radiation and the superb breakfast that we had at The Egg place, whose name I can't remember right now, I called Walgreens and ask if I needed an appointment and they said I could come anytime. I went right away and got my shot. No problem!
I do think the fatigue has set in, I am very very tired and weak right now. My legs and arms feel almost too heavy to lift. I am ready for bed so I'm going to get into my bed and hope I can stay awake for The Closer rerun. More tomorrow. Ciao
Friday, September 18, 2009
Better Day
I had a much better day today at the radiation center than yesterday. I tried to be analytical about why I was so close to panic yesterday and decided it was my attitude. I felt much more confident today.
They did make concessions for me. They locked the mask down until they got it lined up perfectly and then loosened the locks and went on with the treatment with a firm promise from me that I would not move. That was an easy promice to make! I did not feel trapped or whatever.
It must seem pretty silly of me to be so 'chicken' about this mask thing. I have been through so many things in the past years that are so much worse than this. I dealt with those things with comprative equanimity and survived, I'm making a vow right now that I'm through complaining about this and will carry on with complacency! OK? Ciao
They did make concessions for me. They locked the mask down until they got it lined up perfectly and then loosened the locks and went on with the treatment with a firm promise from me that I would not move. That was an easy promice to make! I did not feel trapped or whatever.
It must seem pretty silly of me to be so 'chicken' about this mask thing. I have been through so many things in the past years that are so much worse than this. I dealt with those things with comprative equanimity and survived, I'm making a vow right now that I'm through complaining about this and will carry on with complacency! OK? Ciao
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Push the Panic Button
Today was my second treatment but the third day I had to have the mask put on.I did not do well at all! I know I CAN do it, I just felt so trapped and vulnerable and I felt pain. The pain could very well be immaginary but I wanted to just get out of there, out of that mask! When it was over I felt shaky all over and weak. I totally lost control of my ability to determine that I could tolerate the mask. It really is just a few minutes, I think, but it seems like an eternity. I know that tomorrow I will be able to do it without freaking out and I will.
I did complete the treatment today it was just that my senses reacted. I was so tense and felt every nerve in my body tighten up. The Dr. said that tomorrow they can loosen it just a little and/or cut out the place where I think it hurts. He said if necessary he will let them dispence with the mask altogether if I can lie there withot moving. I can do it. YES, I CAN!
Tomorrow I will relax my body before they put the mask on instead of tensing up. It is just mind over matter. Right?
More tomorrow! Ciao.
I did complete the treatment today it was just that my senses reacted. I was so tense and felt every nerve in my body tighten up. The Dr. said that tomorrow they can loosen it just a little and/or cut out the place where I think it hurts. He said if necessary he will let them dispence with the mask altogether if I can lie there withot moving. I can do it. YES, I CAN!
Tomorrow I will relax my body before they put the mask on instead of tensing up. It is just mind over matter. Right?
More tomorrow! Ciao.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Day one of treatments!
I have only been home about an hour so I have not had the full impact yet, if there is to be one. I could not sleep at all last night. I have been so anxious and fearful. I woke up every hour or so and then would lie awake immagining terrible things that might happen to me. I prayed often for freedom from anxiety. At 6AM I finally got up and prepared to face the music! So to speak.
Karen picked me up at 7:30. My appointment was at 8:00.
When we walked into the waiting room there were about 12 people waiting. Two women smiled and greeted me with a wave and a friendly ,"Hello. "As I recall from my last experience with the "Radiation" crowd. You see the same people every day for a number of weeks and you become a tight knit group. Every one comiserates with everyone else. Everyone celebrates when one completes their series. No one even notices the bald patches and the weakened condition of the other patients. My name was called and I was met at the door by the tech that would be working with me.
Her name was Jennifer and I think she expected me to be feeble. She held my arm and asked if I needed a wheel chair. As we walked down the ramp to the treatment rooms she let go of my arm and trusted me to walk unattended. She did ask me to give her my date of birth.
The treatment room looks about like the one at Baptist East. The gigantic machine hovering over the pristine metal, sheet covered table, looked familiar to me. She introduced me to her assistant and had me lie down on the table. The same raucous music was playing very loudly as it was in the CT room on Friday. I asked if it could be turned down. She said, "Hey, we'll turn it off. How will that be?" Fine with me! I prefer music of my own choosing or none at all.
We had to wait a few minutes for Dr. Stoll to come in. While we were waiting I mentioned that the bone over my left eye was still sore from Friday. Dr. Stoll walked in just then, and he said they did not want me to be in pain so they put the mask on and tightened it down to the table and asked me to show them where it hurt. When I pointed to it they all readily agreed that it was too tight in that spot. They marked the spot and then took the mask off and cut a hole there so it would not put pressure on that bone. Whew, what a relief when they put the mask back on. Before they did all of that though, Dr. Stoll said he would have to cut my hair. He asked if that was OK by me and then assured me that he would not charge for the cut. Ha, ha, ha! I now have a new look, Andrea. Be prepared.
They spent a lot of time getting me in exactly the right position that I needed to be in and warned me that they had elevated the table up so high that it would be advisable for me not to make any sudden moves. I had no intention of doing so anyway.
The marker they used was blue and they marked the area on my head that would be treated. All the room lights were turned off and they all left the room. I was told that I could call to them or wave my arms if I needed help. They can observe me from the next room. A bright red light comes on and a loud humming noise and the machine aims at the marked spot on my head and the treatment begins. It was tolerable and short lived. One down and about 23 to go!
Right now I feel very weak and am light headed. I also have a slight head ache . I may well be suffering from sleep deprivation. I have a huge patch of gauze over the area but I am going to take that off and go lie down!
Tomorrow's appointment is at 8:45. I'll let you know how that goes. Ciao.
Karen picked me up at 7:30. My appointment was at 8:00.
When we walked into the waiting room there were about 12 people waiting. Two women smiled and greeted me with a wave and a friendly ,"Hello. "As I recall from my last experience with the "Radiation" crowd. You see the same people every day for a number of weeks and you become a tight knit group. Every one comiserates with everyone else. Everyone celebrates when one completes their series. No one even notices the bald patches and the weakened condition of the other patients. My name was called and I was met at the door by the tech that would be working with me.
Her name was Jennifer and I think she expected me to be feeble. She held my arm and asked if I needed a wheel chair. As we walked down the ramp to the treatment rooms she let go of my arm and trusted me to walk unattended. She did ask me to give her my date of birth.
The treatment room looks about like the one at Baptist East. The gigantic machine hovering over the pristine metal, sheet covered table, looked familiar to me. She introduced me to her assistant and had me lie down on the table. The same raucous music was playing very loudly as it was in the CT room on Friday. I asked if it could be turned down. She said, "Hey, we'll turn it off. How will that be?" Fine with me! I prefer music of my own choosing or none at all.
We had to wait a few minutes for Dr. Stoll to come in. While we were waiting I mentioned that the bone over my left eye was still sore from Friday. Dr. Stoll walked in just then, and he said they did not want me to be in pain so they put the mask on and tightened it down to the table and asked me to show them where it hurt. When I pointed to it they all readily agreed that it was too tight in that spot. They marked the spot and then took the mask off and cut a hole there so it would not put pressure on that bone. Whew, what a relief when they put the mask back on. Before they did all of that though, Dr. Stoll said he would have to cut my hair. He asked if that was OK by me and then assured me that he would not charge for the cut. Ha, ha, ha! I now have a new look, Andrea. Be prepared.
They spent a lot of time getting me in exactly the right position that I needed to be in and warned me that they had elevated the table up so high that it would be advisable for me not to make any sudden moves. I had no intention of doing so anyway.
The marker they used was blue and they marked the area on my head that would be treated. All the room lights were turned off and they all left the room. I was told that I could call to them or wave my arms if I needed help. They can observe me from the next room. A bright red light comes on and a loud humming noise and the machine aims at the marked spot on my head and the treatment begins. It was tolerable and short lived. One down and about 23 to go!
Right now I feel very weak and am light headed. I also have a slight head ache . I may well be suffering from sleep deprivation. I have a huge patch of gauze over the area but I am going to take that off and go lie down!
Tomorrow's appointment is at 8:45. I'll let you know how that goes. Ciao.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
I spent about an hour yesterday writing my blog and when I was finished I published it as usual. I viewed it and it looked OK BUT later I tried to view it again and it was gone. Just the title and that is all was there. Rats! I'm going to try again.
On Friday when I went for my appointment they gave me an identity bracelet like the ones that are worn in hospitals, I have to have it with me at all times when I am there. I think I will let it live in my purse so that I won't misplace it between visits. We also received a card with the code number for the physician's entrance to the parking garage so that we can enter there and park in the "Radiation Patient" only parking spaces. When we park there we also have acccess to a direct entrance to the Radiology Department.
I was there for a CT Scan so I was taken into the room where the large machine with a donut hole face on it is housed. The Tech said I would have to have the mask made first because I would have to wear it during the scan.
The mask is made of a piece of plastic or plaster. It is put into hot water first to soften it and then it is put over the face. Dr. Stoll told me it would feel like a massage. NOT! It felt very warm at first but rapidly cooled down to body temperature. It was formed to my face by the tech. She fitted it to the contures of my eyes, nose, mouth, chin etc. it has air holes and you can see through it. It is attached to a frame that can be snapped onto snaps or grommets on the table that I will lie on during the treatment. Dr. Stoll came in to attach some wires or something to it and when he asked if I was OK, I had to mummble that my lips were hurting. He had the tech take it off and cut a hole for my mouth. It was somewhat better when she put it back on but then she affixed it to the table and I was overwhelmed with a feeling of panic. The whole purpose of the devise is to keep the head from moving so that they can make sure that you are in the exact same position each day of treatment.
The doctor left the room and the tech proceeded with the CT Scan. Up to this point in my life, I thought having my head in that 'donut hole' was almost unbearable to think about. Now I was not only going to be moved into that gaping hole but I was going to be tied or nailed or snapped to the table I was lying on! Horrors! She told me that she would be in the next room and could watch me on the monitor and could hear me if I called out. She said if I had a problem to just call and she could shut the infernal machine off immediately. She then bid me adieu and said she would be back in ten minutes!
I have had many procedures in my time that have been very painful, stressful and unpleasant so I have worked out a strategy for dealing with them. I have learned to count to one hundred by 3's, 4's, 5's, etc. by memorizing them while under pressure, I can count by prime numbers, I can do square roots, I can factor random numbers, even do prime factorization, I can name all 50 states, I can count out seconds to minutes, many other mind games that I have thought of over the years. Friday, at first I was so stressed that I could not discipline my brain at first but finally I got hold of myself and chose an easy out. I said as much of the rosary that I could on my fingers. I got through three decades and the door opened and I knew I had lived through it without panicing. Whew!
So now, in the wee hours of the morning for the last three or four nights I have been doing mind activities and timing them on the clock in my bedroom. I know how many things I can do that take five minutes and how many for ten minutes. Perhaps I will be better prepared to deal with the 25 or so lock downs of my head during the radiation. So help me, Lord
I go at 8:00 AM on Wednesday to have my first session. Wish me luck.
FYI In ancient Greece, before cameras were invented, they used to make plaster molds of the faces of the dead so that they could have a record of what they looked like. They were called death masks. That is how we know what Cisero, Caesar, and all that ilk, looked like. Our students have done masks of their own faces in art class and then painted them and fired them as an activity for using clay. I shudder to think of it!!!
When my mask was taken off I had a totally waffle patterned face. She took before and after pictures! Ciao.
On Friday when I went for my appointment they gave me an identity bracelet like the ones that are worn in hospitals, I have to have it with me at all times when I am there. I think I will let it live in my purse so that I won't misplace it between visits. We also received a card with the code number for the physician's entrance to the parking garage so that we can enter there and park in the "Radiation Patient" only parking spaces. When we park there we also have acccess to a direct entrance to the Radiology Department.
I was there for a CT Scan so I was taken into the room where the large machine with a donut hole face on it is housed. The Tech said I would have to have the mask made first because I would have to wear it during the scan.
The mask is made of a piece of plastic or plaster. It is put into hot water first to soften it and then it is put over the face. Dr. Stoll told me it would feel like a massage. NOT! It felt very warm at first but rapidly cooled down to body temperature. It was formed to my face by the tech. She fitted it to the contures of my eyes, nose, mouth, chin etc. it has air holes and you can see through it. It is attached to a frame that can be snapped onto snaps or grommets on the table that I will lie on during the treatment. Dr. Stoll came in to attach some wires or something to it and when he asked if I was OK, I had to mummble that my lips were hurting. He had the tech take it off and cut a hole for my mouth. It was somewhat better when she put it back on but then she affixed it to the table and I was overwhelmed with a feeling of panic. The whole purpose of the devise is to keep the head from moving so that they can make sure that you are in the exact same position each day of treatment.
The doctor left the room and the tech proceeded with the CT Scan. Up to this point in my life, I thought having my head in that 'donut hole' was almost unbearable to think about. Now I was not only going to be moved into that gaping hole but I was going to be tied or nailed or snapped to the table I was lying on! Horrors! She told me that she would be in the next room and could watch me on the monitor and could hear me if I called out. She said if I had a problem to just call and she could shut the infernal machine off immediately. She then bid me adieu and said she would be back in ten minutes!
I have had many procedures in my time that have been very painful, stressful and unpleasant so I have worked out a strategy for dealing with them. I have learned to count to one hundred by 3's, 4's, 5's, etc. by memorizing them while under pressure, I can count by prime numbers, I can do square roots, I can factor random numbers, even do prime factorization, I can name all 50 states, I can count out seconds to minutes, many other mind games that I have thought of over the years. Friday, at first I was so stressed that I could not discipline my brain at first but finally I got hold of myself and chose an easy out. I said as much of the rosary that I could on my fingers. I got through three decades and the door opened and I knew I had lived through it without panicing. Whew!
So now, in the wee hours of the morning for the last three or four nights I have been doing mind activities and timing them on the clock in my bedroom. I know how many things I can do that take five minutes and how many for ten minutes. Perhaps I will be better prepared to deal with the 25 or so lock downs of my head during the radiation. So help me, Lord
I go at 8:00 AM on Wednesday to have my first session. Wish me luck.
FYI In ancient Greece, before cameras were invented, they used to make plaster molds of the faces of the dead so that they could have a record of what they looked like. They were called death masks. That is how we know what Cisero, Caesar, and all that ilk, looked like. Our students have done masks of their own faces in art class and then painted them and fired them as an activity for using clay. I shudder to think of it!!!
When my mask was taken off I had a totally waffle patterned face. She took before and after pictures! Ciao.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Here I Go Again!
I am, once again going into radiation treatments. This time it is for an external reason not internal as it was back in 2006 or whenever that was. I have standing appointments each year with a dermatologist. Because of my red hair and delicate skin I grow a crop of skin 'bumps, lumps. warts, barnacles,etc' every six months or so. I have had a spot on my right forehead that was treated as a pre-cancerous growth for a few years. Finally after the fourth or fifth treatment that did not get rid of it, it was determined that it was,in fact, a squamous cell cancer. The doctor did a procedure called a Mohs Procedure and found that it was necessary to remove it surgically. He then determined that I would need Radiation Therapy. I am going to record a day by day, or treatment by treatment accaount of my experience.
Yesterday was my first appointment at the Radiation Center at Norton Cancer Radiation Center.
I was under the impression that I would be starting radiation right away. I should have know better because I had radiation treatments three or four years ago after my colorectol surgery. I had, first of all, to meet with the radiologist and give my history and so forth to them before I could begin. My last radiation was at Baptist East Oncology Center but Dr.Wharton sent me to Norton's. Norton's Radiology department is on the ground floor of the adjoining building to the hospital. Ground floor translates, to me , as basement. I worried the whole weekend that it would be a dark and gloomy place. I wasn't too far off. Naturally there are no windows, except for fake ones that are supposed to give the impression that there is a view of outside behind those curtains. Artificial light is all the light there is.
The room that I was placed in first was so cold that my teeth chattered and my hands turned purple and black as they are prone to do when they are cold. I was very nervous, which added to my shaking. The nurse, named Jane, was very nice and very understanding. she moved me to a warmer room and turned the heat up. I liked her immediately. She took my history and remarked about how I certainly did not look 84 years old. I responded as I usually do by asking, "Would I lie?" We both laughed and went on with the questions. She explained to me what would be happening and gave me a packet of information to study and read over.
We discussed the external beam radiation therapy as compared to the internal beam that I had already endured. I was given a list of suggestions that will be helpful to me for the duration. Stay out of the sun, wear a hat, don't use a tanning bed, wear protective clothing, long sleeves, long pants use sun screen. Most of these things are a way of life for me. I have always avoided the sun. I sat on the porch and watched my family cavorting in the waves and basking in the sunshine for many, many years. If I did go out on the beach I sat under an umbrella and a pile of towels.
The doctor came in to talk to me, too. He, also, studied my history and questioned me about my past medical history. I liked him too, he is very personable and has a very firm hand shake. He explained, at length, exactly what the treatments will consist of. He confirmed the fact that I will be suffering from fatigue again as I was before, I may have head aches, discomfort with dry, itchy skin or a sunburned look. I will not have tatoos as I had before but will have markings on my skin that have been made by a marker and have to be left there, no rubbing them off, because they show where to place the radiation. He said I would probably be losing some of my hair and will definitely lose the hair that is around the area that will be radiated. It WILL NOT grow back. Andrea, I NEED you.
Because I am having radiation to the head, I will be wearing a mask. He said they wet the mask before placing it over your face and it will feel warm and similar to a massage. I will be able to see through it and there will be holes cut for my nose and mouth, so I can breathe. It attaches to the table where I will lie to receive the treatments. The mask helps to keep my head from moving so that I am in the exact same position for each treatment. I have to confess that this terrifies me. I am claustrophobic and I don't even want to think about this! It sounds like a Dick Chaney devise to me. I hope I can tolerate it without having a panic attack. Let us pray.
The location also gives me claustrophobic feelings. No windows! It's going to be a long four weeks. I'll write again on Friday. That's when I go back for my cat-scan and find out when the torture begins. Ciao.
Yesterday was my first appointment at the Radiation Center at Norton Cancer Radiation Center.
I was under the impression that I would be starting radiation right away. I should have know better because I had radiation treatments three or four years ago after my colorectol surgery. I had, first of all, to meet with the radiologist and give my history and so forth to them before I could begin. My last radiation was at Baptist East Oncology Center but Dr.Wharton sent me to Norton's. Norton's Radiology department is on the ground floor of the adjoining building to the hospital. Ground floor translates, to me , as basement. I worried the whole weekend that it would be a dark and gloomy place. I wasn't too far off. Naturally there are no windows, except for fake ones that are supposed to give the impression that there is a view of outside behind those curtains. Artificial light is all the light there is.
The room that I was placed in first was so cold that my teeth chattered and my hands turned purple and black as they are prone to do when they are cold. I was very nervous, which added to my shaking. The nurse, named Jane, was very nice and very understanding. she moved me to a warmer room and turned the heat up. I liked her immediately. She took my history and remarked about how I certainly did not look 84 years old. I responded as I usually do by asking, "Would I lie?" We both laughed and went on with the questions. She explained to me what would be happening and gave me a packet of information to study and read over.
We discussed the external beam radiation therapy as compared to the internal beam that I had already endured. I was given a list of suggestions that will be helpful to me for the duration. Stay out of the sun, wear a hat, don't use a tanning bed, wear protective clothing, long sleeves, long pants use sun screen. Most of these things are a way of life for me. I have always avoided the sun. I sat on the porch and watched my family cavorting in the waves and basking in the sunshine for many, many years. If I did go out on the beach I sat under an umbrella and a pile of towels.
The doctor came in to talk to me, too. He, also, studied my history and questioned me about my past medical history. I liked him too, he is very personable and has a very firm hand shake. He explained, at length, exactly what the treatments will consist of. He confirmed the fact that I will be suffering from fatigue again as I was before, I may have head aches, discomfort with dry, itchy skin or a sunburned look. I will not have tatoos as I had before but will have markings on my skin that have been made by a marker and have to be left there, no rubbing them off, because they show where to place the radiation. He said I would probably be losing some of my hair and will definitely lose the hair that is around the area that will be radiated. It WILL NOT grow back. Andrea, I NEED you.
Because I am having radiation to the head, I will be wearing a mask. He said they wet the mask before placing it over your face and it will feel warm and similar to a massage. I will be able to see through it and there will be holes cut for my nose and mouth, so I can breathe. It attaches to the table where I will lie to receive the treatments. The mask helps to keep my head from moving so that I am in the exact same position for each treatment. I have to confess that this terrifies me. I am claustrophobic and I don't even want to think about this! It sounds like a Dick Chaney devise to me. I hope I can tolerate it without having a panic attack. Let us pray.
The location also gives me claustrophobic feelings. No windows! It's going to be a long four weeks. I'll write again on Friday. That's when I go back for my cat-scan and find out when the torture begins. Ciao.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
IFall is Coming-Leaves are Falling- the Air is growing Cool
Almost always at this time of year, people keep asking, "Where did summer go?" This year it is almost as if summer never really came. The calendar said it was time for summer but the weather never lived up to its reputation. I think we've only had one or two days where the temperature rose above 90 degrees. Not a single day in July did we have 90 degrees! Yesterday and today the early morning temperature was 50 degrees.
Linda and I were in England about ten years ago during June and it was quite chilly and of course drizzly. One of the people with us asked one of the Brits when their summer was and he faciously answered, "I think last year it was on June 20th."I think ours this year was on August 4th or 5th or thereabouts.
I know we all complain when it is 95 and 100 degrees, but when it doesn't happen we complain too. We have had torrential rains that flooded many parts of the city and wreaked havoc in some homes, destroyed cars, bussinesses, hospitals, the main Library, and many other things and we've had high winds and draught conditions and yet no heat wave. Is it global warming? El nino? What? In the West and Northwest they have had almost unbearable heat and draught. Temperatures that exceeded 100 degrees day after day while we have had our "pleasantly cool" summer. The swimming pools were almost empty or unused, this year. Back yard, in-ground pools were maintained but not always put to use. What will the months of December, January, and February be like? Will we enjoy a relatively 'warm' winter or a cold snowy blustery winter? It will be interesting to see.
I have had great LG&E bills! $67.00, $68.00 I am thankful for that. I do hope though, that the weather gets its act together and gives us what we are used to. Whine! Whine! Whine! Ciao,
Linda and I were in England about ten years ago during June and it was quite chilly and of course drizzly. One of the people with us asked one of the Brits when their summer was and he faciously answered, "I think last year it was on June 20th."I think ours this year was on August 4th or 5th or thereabouts.
I know we all complain when it is 95 and 100 degrees, but when it doesn't happen we complain too. We have had torrential rains that flooded many parts of the city and wreaked havoc in some homes, destroyed cars, bussinesses, hospitals, the main Library, and many other things and we've had high winds and draught conditions and yet no heat wave. Is it global warming? El nino? What? In the West and Northwest they have had almost unbearable heat and draught. Temperatures that exceeded 100 degrees day after day while we have had our "pleasantly cool" summer. The swimming pools were almost empty or unused, this year. Back yard, in-ground pools were maintained but not always put to use. What will the months of December, January, and February be like? Will we enjoy a relatively 'warm' winter or a cold snowy blustery winter? It will be interesting to see.
I have had great LG&E bills! $67.00, $68.00 I am thankful for that. I do hope though, that the weather gets its act together and gives us what we are used to. Whine! Whine! Whine! Ciao,
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