I spent about an hour yesterday writing my blog and when I was finished I published it as usual. I viewed it and it looked OK BUT later I tried to view it again and it was gone. Just the title and that is all was there. Rats! I'm going to try again.

On Friday when I went for my appointment they gave me an identity bracelet like the ones that are worn in hospitals, I have to have it with me at all times when I am there. I think I will let it live in my purse so that I won't misplace it between visits. We also received a card with the code number for the physician's entrance to the parking garage so that we can enter there and park in the "Radiation Patient" only parking spaces. When we park there we also have acccess to a direct entrance to the Radiology Department.

I was there for a CT Scan so I was taken into the room where the large machine with a donut hole face on it is housed. The Tech said I would have to have the mask made first because I would have to wear it during the scan.

The mask is made of a piece of plastic or plaster. It is put into hot water first to soften it and then it is put over the face. Dr. Stoll told me it would feel like a massage. NOT! It felt very warm at first but rapidly cooled down to body temperature. It was formed to my face by the tech. She fitted it to the contures of my eyes, nose, mouth, chin etc. it has air holes and you can see through it. It is attached to a frame that can be snapped onto snaps or grommets on the table that I will lie on during the treatment. Dr. Stoll came in to attach some wires or something to it and when he asked if I was OK, I had to mummble that my lips were hurting. He had the tech take it off and cut a hole for my mouth. It was somewhat better when she put it back on but then she affixed it to the table and I was overwhelmed with a feeling of panic. The whole purpose of the devise is to keep the head from moving so that they can make sure that you are in the exact same position each day of treatment.

The doctor left the room and the tech proceeded with the CT Scan. Up to this point in my life, I thought having my head in that 'donut hole' was almost unbearable to think about. Now I was not only going to be moved into that gaping hole but I was going to be tied or nailed or snapped to the table I was lying on! Horrors! She told me that she would be in the next room and could watch me on the monitor and could hear me if I called out. She said if I had a problem to just call and she could shut the infernal machine off immediately. She then bid me adieu and said she would be back in ten minutes!

I have had many procedures in my time that have been very painful, stressful and unpleasant so I have worked out a strategy for dealing with them. I have learned to count to one hundred by 3's, 4's, 5's, etc. by memorizing them while under pressure, I can count by prime numbers, I can do square roots, I can factor random numbers, even do prime factorization, I can name all 50 states, I can count out seconds to minutes, many other mind games that I have thought of over the years. Friday, at first I was so stressed that I could not discipline my brain at first but finally I got hold of myself and chose an easy out. I said as much of the rosary that I could on my fingers. I got through three decades and the door opened and I knew I had lived through it without panicing. Whew!

So now, in the wee hours of the morning for the last three or four nights I have been doing mind activities and timing them on the clock in my bedroom. I know how many things I can do that take five minutes and how many for ten minutes. Perhaps I will be better prepared to deal with the 25 or so lock downs of my head during the radiation. So help me, Lord

I go at 8:00 AM on Wednesday to have my first session. Wish me luck.

FYI In ancient Greece, before cameras were invented, they used to make plaster molds of the faces of the dead so that they could have a record of what they looked like. They were called death masks. That is how we know what Cisero, Caesar, and all that ilk, looked like. Our students have done masks of their own faces in art class and then painted them and fired them as an activity for using clay. I shudder to think of it!!!

When my mask was taken off I had a totally waffle patterned face. She took before and after pictures! Ciao.